


The Conqueror Worm

by sickthoughts



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Drama, Eventual Romance, Hitchhiking, M/M, Plot Twists, Slow Burn, Thriller
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2020-12-17 18:13:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21058781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sickthoughts/pseuds/sickthoughts
Summary: Eren takes his chances using a popular, modern taxi app. Because the world hates him, he ends up having to hitchhike his way back to the city. A sketchy yet quite interesting man driving an expensive-looking car picks him up. Oblivious to Eren, the events that unfold afterward will ultimately change him in ways he could never imagine.





	1. one more light

**Author's Note:**

> first multi-chapter fic! hopefully it isnt ugly lolol. ive had this idea for a VERY long time (i even have a playlist for it ksks which ill share later into the story). hope you all enjoy. 
> 
> the first chapter is more prologue than anything, just a platform to kick off the story. also, ill be adding tags and changing the rating as the story progresses.

“_Thank you for tuning into FOX1 News. We continue with our developing story of the series of violent murders that have occurred over the past week. Victims were all attacked brutally in their own homes. Police assume they may be related and advise all residents in the area to stay sa-_”

Levi stared silently through the windshield, eyes not watching the road, rather staring at it. He gradually tuned the radio out as he drove. Unnecessary was how his mind interpreted the information being fed to him from the news being played. Somehow, he felt numb. It felt strange for his mind not to be filled with an overwhelming amount of thoughts. It felt strange to be in his own mind in the moment. He felt strange, but the feeling didn't meet his facial features in agreement. The indifference in his features made the slight wrinkles in his face look even more pronounced than usual. Not that there was anyone else in the car, much less who needed to know his feelings. Or care. After a beat or two Levi finally blinked and allowed his eyes to wander the distance from one side of his windshield to the other.

He unconsciously found his finger tapping lightly against the steering wheel, despite there being no beat for it to match to. Levi eyed his finger for only a moment before turning his attention back to the road. It continued to tap.

He found that he enjoyed driving more that he put on. Specifically, when he adamantly refused to do simple errands per his uncle’s request, knowing the older man had the full capacity to do so. The latter possibly being the reason why he refused so strongly. The transparent feeling he felt when behind the wheel was unmatched by anything he had ever done. He wouldn't quite call it freedom, but that was the closest word he could think of.

Not that there was anything he needed to run away _from_ per se.

He enjoyed how still his thoughts became. How he was able to simply relax at the sound of the engine of the car whirring, the sound the valve made, giving more air to the engine, as he pressed the gas pedal down to accelerate the car.

He drove silently on the two-lane highway back to the city, radio muffled in the background of his mind and audible senses.

* * * *

Eren sat irritably in the backseat of his Lyft. He’d heard enough horror stories of these anonymous drivers online and from close friends who stoutly warned him of the lack of safety that lied in riding with the individuals. Eren listened, to a certain extent. To give him the benefit of the doubt, he had no other choice. He had just left work and found that the mode of transportation he used to get to work, his bike, had been stolen. After a scene of muffled screams and hair-pulling in front of his workplace, Eren decided to pull out his phone and test his luck. Which unfortunately led to his _un_luck. Or more intelligently, his misfortune.

At least he adhered to their warnings to a certain extent by sitting in the backseat. The thought didn't do much to calm him or ease his irritation. He had been looking out the window for quite a while now, and it didn't take him very long to realize that the more his driver drove, the less he recognized his surroundings. Rather than feed into his irrationality and impulsiveness, he allowed his mind to create scenarios to defend his driver.

Possibly he decided to take an alternate route, an alternate route Eren wasn't aware of. Despite Eren having lived here for almost his whole life. Another scenario. Possibly the driver was lost himself and didn't want to make himself look stupid by admitting so, and decided not to alert Eren of his confusion. Despite having Eren’s apartment complex address in the GPS that stuck to the dashboard of the car.

Eren dismissed the rest, opting to test the waters himself before taking any drastic measures. “Where are we going?” The question came out a bit harsher than he intended, but hopefully, the driver caught a hint or two. Or three. The driver's eyes met Eren’s in the rearview mirror as he tentatively looked to interpret Eren’s facial expression, which wasn’t as kind as it initially had been. Eren’s features had mirrored a look akin to relief, a soft smile resting on his lips.

A look that was nowhere to be seen now.

A shaky breath left the driver as his eyes sharply met back with the early morning road. “I’m actually.. A bit-” Eren’s eyes fluttered closed as he could feel the anger flowing up like bile in his throat. He suddenly wanted to throw up. Preferably, all over this asshole’s car. Cutting the other off he spoke, “Pull over.” Agitation that he couldn't quite withhold was laced in his words. The driver knitted his eyebrows in a submissive manner, obviously embarrassed. Why the fuck would he take a job like this if he knew he didn't know shit about the area? Eren’s mind ran, increasing his anger the longer he remained in the car. He had just finished his overnight shift at the fast-food restaurant he reluctantly worked at, and this was what he had to deal with? What if he had fallen asleep due to exhaustion, would he have even gotten home?

Fuck.

“Pull. Over.” Eren reiterated as if the other didn't hear him the first time. The other looked into the rearview again, hoping Eren would notice the speeding car behind them that made it almost impossible for the driver to pull over immediately. Eren didn't care, and with his anger rising by the minute he made his decision. As they continued on the two-lane road with flat land on either side, Eren slung his backpack over his shoulder and unlocked the right side door from the back seat. The driver looked back at him this time, features laced with concern as Eren’s intentions become frighteningly apparent.

With one last look at the driver, Eren furrowed his brows and brought his hand up, middle finger pointed upwards while the others laid flat against his palm. After few seconds past, Eren gathered what energy he had left and allowed his adrenaline to take over as he opened the car door with all the strength he could muster, pushing against the oncoming wind, and leaped out of the car, tumbling to the flat land that paralleled the road.

The chain of events had occurred so fast that by the time Eren’s body had finally come to a stop, he felt lost. Obviously, because he didn’t know where he was, but also because he couldn't understand why this had to happen to him. He slowly raised his head and shook the dirt and dust out of his brunet locks. With the adrenaline gradually passing, the pain in his neck, back, and legs became increasingly more pronounced. Eren hissed silently as he rose to his feet, dusting his clothes. The thought that he possibly didn't think this through crossed his mind, but he dismissed it as fast as it appeared.

No use in thinking about things you can't change.

He assessed his surroundings. The desert sun was slowly rising as the morning gained on him. Doing a 360 turn, he realized two things. First, there were barely any cars on the two-lane highway. Secondly, the latter decreased his chances significantly of getting a ride back to the city itself. The fucker was so lost, he drove Eren out of town. Eren kicked a rock at the thought, the action doing absolutely nothing to help the situation besides acting as an outlet for Eren’s anger. Raising his head to the sun, he shut his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. He was tired. All he wanted was to go home, take a hot shower, and sleep his exhaustion away.

But he couldn’t.

Eren sighed and refocused himself to the situation at hand. With a glance back to the big buildings and evidence of a city to his left, he began his trek to the road in front of him. With the road being as bare and car-less as it was, Eren sprinted across the road to the flat land on the other side of the road which would ultimately lead him back home.

His initial pace was clearly motivated as his speed was considerably fast considering his bodys current condition, but it soon digressed to a slow walk with his weak left arm raised in a fashion he hoped would indicate his need for a ride.

Eren didn't even register how much time had passed since he had made the inevitable decision to jump out of his Lyft. The fucker didn’t even come back. Not that Eren really expected him to, but a wave of annoyance swept over him as he remembered that he actually paid for the ride. His hand dropped lifelessly to his side. His eyebrows unknitted themselves above his eyes, as though not having enough energy in his facial muscles to continue doing so. His legs never stopped moving, however, determination apparently lying in his lower body.

The thought that he would never get back crawled into his mind, effectively causing his throat to constrict, an intense burn following. He wasn't going to cry. Eren wasn't a crier. He truly wasn't, but the series of events never ceased to replay in his mind, as if reminding him over and over how much of an idiot he is and how he’ll never change. His mind immediately ran to his sister. Mikasa. She was going to be pissed when she found out. A sigh ripped from his lips.

Wait.

His legs stopped moving instantaneously as he slid his bag from around his shoulder and set it down on the ground. Squatting to meet it in height, he unzipped it, haphazardly looking for his phone. An overwhelming sense of relief overtook him as he eyed the device, taking it out of his bag, zipping it closed, and tugging it over his shoulder once again. Eren’s thumb pressed lightly against the power button casually expecting the screen light to come on as usual. To his consistent relief, it did. But dimmer than it usually was. Eren’s eyes shot to the top of the screen where the battery percentage was displayed.

3%.

His throat constricted again, with a painful burning vengeance. Instinctively causing Eren’s other hand to wrap its fingers around his neck, in a fruitless attempt to ease the pain. He couldn't make a call with his battery this low. Hell, he couldn't open an app with his battery as low as it was. Scenes of him using his phone to play games and scroll uselessly through social media on his breaks flashed through his mind. He refrained from throwing his phone harshly to the ground, instead opting to grip his phone. Almost tighter than it was made to withstand. He really needed to work on his anger management. _Ew_, he sounded like Mikasa.

The last thought allowed him to calm, if only slightly, as he pocketed his phone. Legs moving once again as he trekked alongside the road. City not as far as it had originally been.

His left arm raised again, thumb raised to meet the sun that was gradually making the walk more uncomfortable by the minute. As if an answer to a prayer he never made, Eren could distantly hear the sound of a car approaching. His head whipped behind him faster than his mind could register. It was a car, a good looking one too. Eren was willing to take his chances (once again) that the driver wasn’t sketchy with a car that nice looking. Or course he never learned. At the very least, the driver couldn't be as sketchy at the driver that got him in this situation in the first place. Stopping in his tracks, Eren turned to face the car completely. He stood on the line that separated the paved road from the dirt road he had been walking on.

Both hands out now, he waved frantically as the driver closed the distance between them, speed gradually decreasing as they approached Eren. Eren was ecstatic and couldn't keep himself from venturing out into the road itself, assuming lightly that the driver wouldn't actually hit him. With the car in close distance, Eren stopped waving and ran to meet the car instead.

The car pulled to a sudden stop as Eren approached it. The windows were tinted and rolled to the roof of the car, preventing Eren from seeing the face of his savior. Eren stood silently by the car window allowing a beat or two to pass before his eyebrows instinctively began to knit. The driver had stopped, but for some reason hadn’t rolled the windows down. Mild confusion enveloped Eren’s features as he lifted a hand to lightly knock on the passenger side window of the car. The window gradually lowered, and his savior came into view. Eren couldn’t help but pause at the appearance of the other. He wasn't entirely sure what image of the individual he had in mind, if any at all. But this surely wasn’t it.

The driver wasn’t even looking at Eren, as if he was doing this against his better judgment. Not that Eren could blame him. Despite the air around the other, his features were nonchalant in nature. Apathetic to the whole situation it seemed. The realization forced Eren to unknit his brows. Blinking to restore his composure, Eren cleared his throat softly. “Hey...uh. Thanks for stopping.” Was all he could think to say. Now that he thought about it, what was he supposed to say? His situation made no fucking sense in his head, much less out loud. He’d save the other the torture of hearing it.

Eren found himself staring again, he was searching his mind for words, but when he attempted to compile them together, they made no sense. Suddenly, for the first time since their meeting, the other glanced over to him. Eren visibly jolted. Unable to place exactly where it came from and why exactly it occurred, he settled for keeping his attention trained on the other. “Levi. Get in.” The sentence had left the other’s lips so quickly, Eren had to scour his short-term memory for the words so he could intelligently respond. If at all.

Levi? Eren wondered if that was the other’s name or if that was some code he had never heard of. He stated it as if it were an interjection rather than an introduction. He opted for the former. With the second half of Levi’s sentence ringing in his mind, Eren jumped into action and opened the passenger side door of Levi’s car and hopped in before the other could change his mind. He slipped his bag to the floor between his feet as he closed the door beside him, then pulled the seatbelt over his form. It was only after he had finished adjusting his seatbelt and turned his gaze back to Levi that Eren had realized the other had been watching him.

Eren’s stare didn’t last long this time, deciding to keep his head focused on the road ahead. He wasn't entirely sure why, but the feeling of the other’s gaze on him left him feeling more uneasy than he’d like to admit. Levi was a stranger after all, but it was a little strange. Unnerving at the very least. He felt strangely compelled to look back to the man, as if making eye contact would tell Eren all there is to know about the other. Against his better judgment, he did anyway. Levi almost looked rather stiff in the driver's seat. Almost. He was able to pull it off as possibly a sitting position he did naturally, like sitting casually was out of character. He had his eyes trained on the road, as if looking elsewhere was nothing short of unnecessary. Eren concluded. The thought caused a huff to spill from his lips before he could withhold it.

“So you can stare at me like I’m some fucking statue at a museum, but I can’t know the name of the nobody I just picked up off the side of the road?” Eren jolted at the sound of Levi’s voice. The sound was somewhat soft, but unexpected in the still silence that had filled the vehicle the moment Eren sat in the passenger seat. With his eyes still leveled to Levi’s form, he glanced away from the other. The overwhelming need to bang his head into the dashboard flooding him. “Fuck. Sorry, I’m Eren.” He hoped the exhaustion wasn’t too apparent in his voice, Eren didn't realize just how bad he was with strangers until this very moment. He raised a hand to awkwardly scratch the back of his head as he spoke again. “Thanks for stopping, by the way.”

Without a beat. “You said that already.”

“... Fuck.” Eren couldn't count the number of times he’d imagined hurting himself at this point. Giving up, he allowed a chuckle, that came out as a huff of breath, to leave him. A genuine laugh bubbling out after. This was such a ridiculous situation, and strangely he was thankful. Eren obviously didn’t trust the other. At all. But, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief. It was the first time he had whole-heartedly laughed all day. It was bullshit situation after bullshit situation since he left home for work the day before. This was refreshing in its own peculiar way.

Eren hadn’t even noticed how close they were to the oncoming city. A soft smile formed on his features. _Special thanks to that god he never prayed for, really came in clutch this time. _

“I still don’t know where I’m going.” Levi’s voice had its own special way of cutting through Eren’s thoughts and stopping his brain from functioning. Eren’s eyes turned back to the other. Despite his demanding tone and disrespectful way of speaking, Levi was a pretty tepid guy. Which made him a little uncomfortable to be around but, for some reason, Eren didn’t mind it much. He didn’t feel any pressure in Levi’s company. When Levi spoke, Eren felt as though he should be offended but can’t quite get his emotions to agree.

Feeling like he finally figured the man out, Eren responded. “You never asked.” Voice snarky and laced with attitude. His eyes never left Levi’s, anticipating his response. If Eren was being honest with himself, he would have realized that his response made ultimately no sense as it was his responsibility to inform Levi of his destination. “Well, now I know why your stubborn ass was stuck at the side of the road.” Eren couldn’t stop the audible gasp that left his lips. Eyes enlarging as he stared at the other. Levi’s expression hadn’t changed, if anything, he looked more annoyed than he had been previously.

A huff of indignation blew from Eren’s nostrils, childishly shifting back to face the road. A snort interrupted the silence. It didn't come from Eren. Eyebrows raised, he turned his attention back to Levi, suddenly intrigued by his display of emotion. Taking a glance at Eren, they made eye contact for half a second, if Eren were counting, before turning back to the road ahead. “What are you? Twelve?” Amusement still clear in Levi’s voice, Eren couldn't find it within himself to take his hypothetical question seriously. “Actually,” Suddenly feeling pompous and rather full of himself. “I’m twenty-three.”


	2. hippocrates theory (αφύσικος)

The ride had been relatively quiet after Eren gave Levi his address. It was a still yet comfortable silence. No pressure on either party to initiate conversation, especially Levi. Not that he would have initiated one anyway, unless absolutely necessary. They were in the city now, tall buildings, skyscrapers, and renowned restaurants passing them by. Eren sat facing the passenger side window, head resting on his hand as his elbow leaned securly, yet rather uncomfortably, against the leather car door panel. 

The window itself was closed, similarly to the rest of the windows in the car. Levi seemingly not the type to appreciate fresh air. Eren stared blankly out the window, eyes unconsciously scanning; following people and random things that crossed his vision. The silence accompanied with the smooth ride offered by the car, Eren could feel himself slowly drifting off to sleep. He fought hard to push the tiredness from his eyes, but with nothing else to occupy his brain besides passing thoughts and the view of life outside the car, it was a losing battle. 

But Eren was a fighter.

At least Mikasa believed him to be, and he wasn’t going to push her opinion down so easily. Their harmless banter aside, Eren knew nothing about Levi. He didn’t trust him either, naturally. The odd air Levi kept around himself was rather interesting though. It almost kept Eren on his toes, not knowing what to expect from the man. Exhilarating, maybe. Eren’s eyes wandered to the man in question as his thoughts continued. 

He couldn’t help but feel even the slightest bit of interest in the man. He forced anyone he came into contact with to, Eren assumed seriously. There was no way you could meet someone like Levi and not question everything about him. Every action, every word, his thoughts. Everything was a mystery. He huffed silently before turning his attention to the road ahead. They were very close to his complex now. If the familiar scenery was anything to go by.

“Turn here?” Levi asked eventually. His voice sounded rough, but Eren didn't let it bother him.

“Yeah.”

With the apartments coming into view, Eren’s hand reached for the buckle that strapped him safely to the protection of the cushioned seat, ready to unbuckle and be free from the restraints to retrieve his belongings. Eyes trained on the buckle, Eren sharply inhaled at the feeling of the car coming to an abrupt stop, jerking him forward. Eren’s eyes shot up to the windshield, hoping to see what could have easily been the cause of his death in a strangers car. 

After seconds of scanning the area in front of him through the windshield, his eyebrows furrowed. There was nothing there. Not a single person or moving car in sight. Save for the one Eren was currently travelling in. Eren could feel his senses heightening, fight or flight instantaneously activated.

“Are you a fucking idiot?” The volume of Levi’s voice caused him to jump, moreso with his hypothalamus still sending signals to his nervous system to maintain fright or flight mode. 

Eren’s eyes followed the voice, features flushed with confusion and mild fear. Eren wasn't sure if what he should be afraid of was inside or outside of the car. 

He eyed Levi cautiously. He was confused. Why would Levi call him a fucking idiot? What had he done wrong? Eren couldn’t stop his mind from running, as if a situation of this caliber was all it took for Eren to see this man for who he truly was. A danger. 

To him.

Scenarios for how to possibly escape the situation flooded Eren’s mind. Scanning and testing its legitimacy speedily. 

He was so _ confused _. 

Make a move when Eren’s so close to home? Is that even a smart move on his part? Nothing made sense. Levi eyed him in admonishment. 

Eren brows rose in panic, his mind illicting signals of perplexity.

“What in the shit would compel you to take off your seatbelt before I stopped the goddamn car?” Levi’s features mirrored that of an unimpressed father. Eren’s eyebrows stilled in shock as he stared at the other. What the fuck. His mind was blank, all thoughts on how to escape leaving his mind as fast as they had taken residence. Levi looked away, oblivious to Eren’s thoughts and feelings. 

Eren’s lips contorted, not exactly knowing what type of face to make. A snort escaped from his lips, ballows of laughter following it.

“What the fuck..” The voice was loud as it came in between breaths, chuckles, and more snorts Eren couldn’t withhold. This was comical. “I thought you were going to kill me or something… what the fuck..” Eren held his stomach as he watched the other through pits of laughter. A massive wave of relief setting in. 

Levi kept his gaze straight ahead as he put the car in motion once again. “If you’re going to make jokes, warn me next time, I was really planning for the last moments of my life back there.” As the laughs withered down, Eren’s voice still kept traces of amusement, lips not ready to revert to its natural state as yet.

“It wasn't a joke.” Levi’s voice kept its usual lukewarm tone, sounding bored by the whole situation and Eren’s reaction. His response ripping another laugh from Eren.

“Hey.”

Eren didn’t bother waiting for Levi’s reply, knowing him well enough now that he wouldn't bother obliging him with a response. “I like you man.” Eren was looking directly at him. He had thought about Levi enough over the course of this prolonged trip to stand by his words. He meant them, truly. 

Levi looked at Eren, expression painted with disbelief, moreso shock with a hint of discomfort. His eyebrows were slightly crossed, eyes partially widened. It was the most Eren had ever seen Levi’s features change in the few hours he’s known him. The eye contact they shared lasted a lot longer that Eren would have liked, more worried about the car that was still at motion beneath them. 

Eren couldn't read Levi’s expression. Though, he desperately wanted to know what was going on inside his head. Eren broke eye contact first, setting his eyes ahead, despite feeling Levi’s gaze on him still. “I haven’t laughed this much in forever.” He concluded, hoping that got his point across. 

Despite Levi being as weird as he was, he was still a cool guy. In Eren’s book anyway. Someone Eren could see himself getting along with at the very least. He didn’t know Levi, understand him, or truly trust him. But he knew he enjoyed being around him, and that much was enough.

Levi eventually tracked his gaze back to the road ahead, face still frozen in it’s somewhat shocked expression. With a quick glance, Eren eyed him. He couldn't figure Levi out, much less understand why he would have reacted the way he did, but Eren took it as possibly something Levi didn't quite expect him to say. Which was fair. With his eyes ahead once again, Eren allowed a soft smile to grow on his lips.

Levi pulled into the apartment parking lot seamlessly like the careful, possibly too safe, driver he was. The corner of Eren’s lips quirked at that, knowing if he had a car under his name the brake pedal would probably jam due to its unuse. Levi didn't bother pulling into a parking spot, opting to just parallel Eren’s apartment building, making it easier for Eren’s leave and his exit. 

The car came to another stop, this time indicating Eren’s final destination. Surprisingly, Eren felt more than a little awkward as he began to unbuckle his seatbelt and gather his things. He wasn't exactly sure why. He slung his backpack over his shoulder, offering a sidelong glance to Levi. Mild embarrassment flushed his face as he was met with trained eyes. A small smile formed on Eren’s lips as he turned away to exit the car. Stepping away from the car, Eren closed the door behind him, immediately turning back to knock on the closed, tinted window before him. After a little more than a moment, the window cracked open to about half its length. 

Eren had to laugh. This was becoming typical Levi behavior. Eren gazed at the other, simply trying to find the right words. He placed a hand over the window hoping to get as close to the other as the door between them would allow. “Thanks for everything.” His voice was soft, corner of his lips quirking up to a small degree. He gazed thoughtfully at Levi, a strange feeling in his gut wishing he could say something more, possibly to lengthen the short time they have left in each other’s presence. 

Eren was a gregarious guy, very easy to get along with and tended to get attached to people he liked a lot sooner than he should. A flaw of his, as Mikasa put it. But it was this same characteristic that initiated Eren’s friendship with Armin, so he knew it wasn't inherently negative. 

His brows creased as his gaze with Levi lingered. He was possibly never going to see this guy again, he couldn't help the pit he felt in his stomach at the thought. He hated to see a potential friendship fall through his hands like this.

The adult in Eren forced him to suck it up. That’s what life is, a rollercoaster of things that make you happy and things that make you sad, along with things that disappoint and excite you falling in between. He allowed his eyes to fall to the floor of the car as he tapped his hand lightly against the window. He didn't expect Levi to respond, though a small part of Eren wish he had. 

Giving one last look to Levi, Eren realized he had directed his attention to his phone, apparently now oblivious to Eren’s presence at this point. After a blink or two Eren turned away, walking silently to his apartment. 

Once Eren had made distance between the car and himself, Levi tossed his phone in the seat Eren occupied only moments before. He watched Eren closely, every step he took till he reached the door to his apartment. He watched as Eren turned around to give his old companion one last glance before entering the apartment. 

His mindful eyes were in a daze, stare continuous even after Eren’s exit from the scene. Only after a moments passing does he set the car in gear to drive off.

* * * *

Narrowed eyes watching through angled blinds were met with Levi’s stagnant presence in the parking lot. Eren watched pointedly as Levi eventually drove off, with not a trace of him left behind. A sigh left Eren, one that he couldn't quite withhold. Was it relief? Sadness? Apathy? Numbness? Eren wasn't so sure. Encounters with strangers always left his mind in a void. He almost didn't know with himself, suddenly feeling lonely. 

Not relief.

Eren took off his shoes and set his bag carefully to the floor before him, to engrossed in watching the other to do the task earlier. Distantly he wondered if Levi had been looking up at him, as a possible reason to why he had taken a while before he left. Remembering the image of Levi on his phone allowed the thought to go back from whence it came. Levi didn't care about him. 

Did Levi care about anything? His actions spoke volumes and answered the question easily. Eren didn't believe it.

Ringing. A sharp pain struck in Eren’s ears, causing him to reflexively cup his hands over them. The pain refused to subside, even after a moments pass. Eren gritted his teeth behind closed lips. His eyes closed tightly, hoping the darkness and pressure would transfer the pain. 

It didn't. 

Despite there being no one in the apartment other than Eren, the loud ringing took place of the once still silence that filled the area. Whatever thoughts Eren had were easily replaced by the sound, unrelenting in his ears, now gradually travelling to his brain. 

“_ What’re you doing? _”

The voice was deep, pronounced, and clear in his ears. Somehow able to be heard over the persistent ringing. The words bounced off one side of his mind to the next. Eren’s eyes snapped open, fear replacing his pain stricken features. Now standing, Eren whipped his head around, looking for the source of the sound. _ Was the apartment broken into? _ The thought was quickly shot down at the appearance of not a single soul in his home. Voice too clear for it to have come from a further place in the apartment. 

Erene sighed, evening his breath. He was exhausted, concluding to the obvious explanation for his strange behavior. 

Why was he so on edge? 

He was tired. He had worked an eight hour shift the night before, he had a right to be out of mind. With a particularly long blink, Eren picked up his backpack and walked sluggishly to the living room couch. He had definitely been fatigued before, specifically the first night he had been assigned his new overnight shift, but he had never felt quite like this.

_ Was it because of the stunt Levi pulled at the end? _ He thought absentmindedly. He was asking a lot of questions today. He couldn't remember the last time he worked his brain cells this hard. He sighed again. Another thing he was doing more often than usual.

He plopped lazily onto the couch, adjusting himself immediately to stretch the length of his body from one side of the couch to the other. His eyes closed instinctively upon impact, sleep instantaneously weighing heavy on his eyes. 

Suddenly remembering his possibly now dead phone, Eren’s eyes flew open and searched the bag for the device. With the charger stretching from the wall to the couch, past Eren almost foreseeing future circumstances such as the one he was in now, he plugged the charger into his phone, resting it on the ground beside the couch. Laying his head back softly against the cushioned arm of the couch, sleep came at once, taking Eren almost instantly into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just want to emphasize the platonic nature of the development here. Eren wasn't declaring his love, he was just informing Levi of basically how much he appreciated him, if that makes sense. the real big ‘L’ word will come soon ;)!
> 
> also wanna mention that eren might be a bit ooc (i know, ew) mainly because most of the things he does in the fic kinda mirrors my own characteristics. hope thats not a turn off


	3. never again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lots of self-loathing.

“Eren!” 

Eren rose from the couch in a panic. Disorientation and anxiety filling him simultaneously. He felt a strong, rather sharp, vice grip on his shoulders. His eyes darted to the solid, physical form before him. He felt damp, a fierce coldness overtaking him. Armin?

“Eren..” The voice was quivering, laced with potent fear and unease. The sound forced Eren’s senses into function as he scanned Armin’s face. His face was a flush of pink, concern obvious in his features. Tears brimmed his eyes as he stared pointedly at Eren, raw emotion translating through their contact. Confusion immediately filled Eren’s mind. Why did Armin look so.. sad? Was it because of him? A single trail of cold sweat fell along Eren’s back, nerves suddenly registering other beads of sweat on his chest, armpits, and forehead. He felt so cold.

He stared intensely at Armin, stare darting from eye to eye, searching for answers that Armin refused to give. Why?

“Armin.. what happened?” Despite his unstable emotions, Eren’s voice stood firm. Syllables clear and tone unwavering. Eren slowly brought a hand to his forehead, nerves sensing the overwhelming wetness there. He pushed his hair back, breaking eye contact and dropping his gaze to the ground. For some reason he wasn’t confused anymore, a stiff numbness taking residence. 

Rather than see, Eren heard Armin rise to his feet and begin to walk away, distance increasing between them. He looked up then, watching as Armin stopped at the doorframe to his room. Eren could feel his eyebrows furrowing, finally realizing what had occurred. The hand in his hair fisted, gripping tightly at the strands of hair under his palm. He could feel his anger travel through the veins, ending at the tips of his fingers. His teeth grit as he shut his eyes tightly, unable to bear looking at Armin any longer.

Again. It’s happening again.

Eren wanted to scream, cry out, beg for Armin’s forgiveness. Forcing him to have to go through this another time, and possibly more times in the future. 

No. It _ won't _happen again.

“Eren.” His voice was soft, so calming in nature, forcing Eren out of his thoughts, anger almost subsiding. That was how powerful Armin was. His voice, his character, his patience was unmatched. The way he affected Eren, he’d probably never know. Eren looked up at Armin, eyes pleading with apologies. He was met with a small smile, Armin’s tears finally falling. 

“You’re normal Eren.. you’re normal.” 

Eren’s eyebrows rose slightly. He was a light, Eren concluded. Armin was a light. The only light that gave him clarity and sight in his own dark, secluded world. The secluded world he made for himself because he felt like he _ deserved _ it. Armin thought otherwise. He _ believed _in Eren. 

Deciding against a verbal reply, Eren nodded his head, not breaking eye contact with Armin. His smile widened, more tears falling as he walked into his room, closing the door softly behind him. 

A part of Eren wished he could comfort Armin, give him the peace of mind he deserves. But he couldn’t. He didn’t know _ how _. He wanted to help, but he felt as though his hands were slightly out of reach. What did he need? What exactly was he missing?

With Eren now alone to his belligerent thoughts, he sighed. The silence that followed felt as though Armin was never there to begin with, as if he was a figment of Eren’s imagination. Possibly that were true, Eren always imagined Armin as more of an angel than a human being, maybe he was right all along and the psychical Armin he thought he knew was just a realistic image his mind made up to make himself feel better. 

The sound of his phone interrupted his thoughts. Now that he thought about it, it had been a while since he had checked his phone. Arm already reaching for it, he picked it up off the floor unplugging the charger from it.

3 PM. 

He had slept for a good four hours at the very least. Eren couldn't complain, after that situation he wasn’t particularly interested in going back to sleep anyway. His notifications showed multiple alerts of the copious missed calls from his sister. Eren felt a grimace begin to grow on his features as he tapped his phone screen to return the call. One out of the many she made to him.

“Eren!” Mikasa answered on the second ring, her voice dripped with worry. Distantly, Eren was glad he couldn’t see her face.

“Yes.. I’m home, I’m fine. You really don’t need to call my phone so much.” He couldn’t help the monotone in his voice. His eyebrows creased as he slowly brought his hand to his forehead, massaging the skin there.

“You said you’d call me when you get home.”

“I am home.”

“It doesn’t usually take you eight hours to get home, Eren!” Her tone was laced with annoyance, worry, and urgency. Almost mimicking the way Eren’s mom used to sound. His brows knitted further.

“Okay, okay I get it. Shit happened but I’m fine and I’m home, okay?” Taking a step away from monotone, Eren’s voice soothed itself. Hoping it would ease Mikasa’s worry if only a little bit.

“What do you mean shit happened?” Her inquiry mixed with worry.

“It’s not that important. Just know I’m healthy, I’m fine, and I'm safe.” Eren wasn’t particularly interested in reliving the past events so soon. Opting to keep his mouth shut, he avoided the subject, despite the small part of his mind that knew Mikasa wouldn’t let it go so easily.

There was a pause on the other end of the line. Eren stared blankly at the wall ahead, waiting expectantly for Mikasa’s reply and possible dismissal of the whole conversation. It had already dragged on long enough. With the silence stretching a bit longer than he assumed, Eren quickly took the phone from his ear and brought it to his eyes field of vision. The call hadn’t dropped. Eren placed the phone back to his ear, just in time to hear a soft breath being released on the other end. “...Meet me at Maria’s.”

Irritation immediately filled Eren’s gut, he wished he wasn’t right. It wasn’t his fault she didn’t believe him, he didn't have plans to leave the house until work that evening. “What the fuck? I told you I’m fine, I don-” 

“Eren!” The urgency and high pitch of her voice alerted Eren. She wasn’t going to back down, and knowing her, if Eren didn’t go to her she’d come to him. Not that that wasn’t a bad idea in of itself, but Eren would have to put in twice as much energy to get her to leave once she came. A long sigh fell off his lips as he dragged a hand down his face. He was no longer tired, yet exhaustion filled him.

“Jesus Christ! Fine! I’m coming.” He didn’t bother waiting for a response before hanging up the phone. 

* *

A jingle rang as Eren opened the door to the coffee shop. After irritably taking a quick shower and throwing on some clothes, he made the short walk to the meeting place Mikasa mentioned. The apartment was eerily quiet when he left, heart sinking to his gut as the image of Armin’s crying face appeared in his mind once again like a bad dream. Eren scowled at the thought, eyes searching the cafe for the familiarity of Mikasa’s face.

Eren walked casually to the two-seated table that sat directly beside the large cafe window. He pulled the chair that sat across from Mikasa, plopping into the seat. He watched Mikasa scan and search his face intently. Searching for what exactly, he wasn’t sure. 

“Did you want to get something to dri-”

“What do you want Mikasa?” Eren’s hands were folded together neatly on top of the table. Eyes staring right back at Mikasa.

She was silent for a while, face indifferent as her eyes darted from one side of Eren’s face to the other. _ What was she looking for? _

“.... what happened?” Her voice almost came as a whisper if not for the firmness of her tone. Eren could feel his brows creasing as they leveled eyes.

“I told you, shit happened, I’m not really in the mo-”

“Did you have another episode?” Eren’s eyes widened, he felt the pit in his stomach open up again. He looked away, needing to gather his thoughts. How did she know? Did his face give him away? Eren distantly wondered if the scowl he was wearing earlier was still trained on his face. Sudden debilitation filled him, he leaned back against the back of his chair, now sitting on his back. 

What could he say? 

He decided not to respond, finding interest in the people behind Mikasa. 

“Eren, what happened?” Her tone was more serious this time, reiteration holding more weight the second time. Eren refused to look at her, knowing that doing so would cause him to crumble, break at her prodding.

Another stretch of silence fell between them, allowing Eren’s face muscles to relax, features now neutral. He could feel Mikasa’s steel gaze on him, still patiently awaiting his reply.

“If this continues, you’re going to hurt Armin.” 

Fiery eyes met with Mikasa’s pleading, yet overall indifferent ones. Anger flew up in Eren’s gut. A fist concentrated with his frustration slammed against the table, causing reverberations to ring through it, wobbling Mikasa’s coffee. If people were observing them from afar, neither cared, attention trained on each other. They leveled eyes again, Eren challenging her silently. Daring her to say another word. They stayed like this for a while, giving Eren enough time to breathe out the rest of his anger and effectively calm down. 

“I took an app taxi,” Eren mumbled, not exactly wanting to get into this conversation, but needing to change the subject. Before Mikasa could interject with her obvious disapproval, he continued.

“The fucker got lost so I got out, hitchhiked, and got a ride back.” His tone was even despite his fist gripping again at the thought of his sad excuse for a ride. He vowed to never use the app again. Lesson thoroughly learned.

Rather than state the obvious in rant, Mikasa sighed, trying to find the right words. 

“Did they do anything to you?”

“No.” Eren’s response was quick, surprising himself, knowing exactly the ‘they’ she was referring to. His eyes drifted off to the scene beside Mikasa, thoughts now full of memories from his strange encounter. “He was a little weird, but I like him.” Mikasa squinted at that, not entirely sure how to decipher Eren’s words. 

“He’s still a stranger Eren, you can’t like him.” She stated matter-of-factly. While her statement wasn’t untrue, it still irritated Eren.

“There you go, dictating my feelings for me yet again.” He rolled his eyes, tired of the same restricting actions from the other. It was so Mikasa of her to do that, Eren hated it.

“Eren, I just don’t want you to get hur-” Her voice pleading for understanding.

“You can do that without controlling my life, Mikasa.” Eren was getting more exhausted by the minute. He could feel his nerves spiking beneath his skin. He needed to leave. Every now and again a meeting with Mikasa would result in a stressed Eren for the remainder of the day. 

Today was one of those meetings. 

Eren nonchalantly sat up from the chair, unwilling to lengthen the conversation any further.

“Well, you’ve seen me for yourself, I’m fine. I’m gonna go ahead and leave.” His voice was drenched in apathy as he looked to her one last time. Mikasa followed his body movements as he pushed in the chair and made eye contact back with her. A soft smile formed on her lips features relaxing from the once tense atmosphere between them. 

“I’m glad I got to see you, Eren.” Her voice was soft despite the thick air between them. Eren couldn’t deny that Mikasa was a great sibling, though he couldn't help but feel as though she took her role as his remaining family too seriously. Her restricting behavior over him made him feel like her son, which he was far from.

Despite himself, Eren mirrored her expression. A small smile of his own pulling at his lips as they kept contact. “Yeah.” He finally turned his back to her, heading for the door to the cafe. Eren gave a last glance to his sister, who remained seated at the table they once both occupied. Mikasa’s eyes were trained on him, watching Eren protectively as he left.

Eren left the cafe in a lumber walk, feet heavy with every step. No matter how much he and his sister fought, they always found a mutual resolve at the end, even more so now that they were adults. With no promise of tomorrow and the separate lives they lived on opposite sides of the city, putting family before disagreements was the most logical scenario in all cases. No matter how much Mikasa managed to get on his nerves, Eren has grown mature enough not to hold it against her. For the most part. 

The walk back home was significantly shorter than it had been on the way to the cafe. Eren’s muscles eased and softened under his skin as his apartment complex came into view. A soft deja vu feeling overtook him as memories of the day both he and Armin walked through the parking lot of the complex on their way to sign the contract for their new apartment together, flooded his mind. He had made a vow to Armin that if he was somehow able to afford college, they’d move in together. While the latter worked itself out with the job Eren conveniently found on the side, unfortunately, he was unable to continue his education as smoothly as he would have liked. 

With his parents' nonexistence and Mikasa’s inability to provide for the both of them, Eren was forced to put his disorganized dreams and aspirations to rest. The image of Mikasa’s dejected face and pitiful tears as Eren expressed the reality of the situation and his forlorn conclusion, flashed in his mind. He truly lived a pitiful life. And dragged Armin with him for the ride. 

Unintentionally, of course.

Eren regretted every ‘okay’ and ‘it’s alright’ Armin softly spoke in his despondent position as he was sandwiched between Eren and his problems. As sad as it was, that wasn’t what hurt Eren the most. 

Armin never complained.

He never once allowed Eren to take responsibility for how he might have felt, despite how desperately Eren wanted to. It was as if Armin was the rock that secured Eren. Sturdy, firm, and unceasing in strength and reliability. There were times where Eren felt as if he shouldn't take advantage of Armin’s kindness, his bottomless compassion. But strangely, he felt as though Armin wanted him to, as though he didn't want Eren to worry anymore, as if he wanted to carry all of his pitiful friend’s burdens on his shoulders for himself.

But why?

It was a question Eren asked himself every day as he pondered if he even deserved people like Armin in his life. What has he done to contribute to their friendship besides offer useless advice and crack ridiculous jokes? Just what has he done to make Armin feel as though he needs to do these things for Eren? Eren has never once openly asked for Armin’s assistance; emotionally, financially, or otherwise. He never once thought to exploit his best friend and would most definitely kill anyone who tried. Yet here he was, unconsciously taking advantage of the person who has single-handedly rested all of Eren’s troubles, that he possibly could, on his own shoulders. And for what? Love? Friendship? Virtue? Eren would possibly never know, and a part of him didn't want to. He was afraid. He was fearful of the answer he would receive. 

Eren was a fearful man. A punk. A pussy.

For as long as he could remember, Eren was pulling away when personal things got too rough. Never stayed for the ride. Yes, his stubborn qualities and determination were still very much alive within him. But where were they? Where were they when Armin was busting his ass to become Eren’s foundation? Where were they when Mikasa wanted to find a way through their troubles because _ where there is a will there’s a way _? Where were they as Eren quietly watched from the sidelines as his life, quite literally, began to crumble away at the seams? Possibly, Eren distantly thought,

they were never there.

There was no way they could have been if _ this _was the product.

Eren was already putting the key into the apartment door before he realized the action himself. The door softly creaked as it opened, just enough for his body to slide through. He slid his shoes off with ankle maneuvers and a slight kick, landing one shoe on one side of the entryway, and the other at the opposite side. He’d worry about it later. 

As he entered the living area, needing to in order to get to his own bedroom which mirrored Armin’s, he found his roommate sleeping rather soundly on the couch beside him. The moment Eren’s eyes landed on Armin’s form he could feel the area between his brows crease, skin pushing against skin, folding minutely in a strange fashion of curves and wavy designs. His lips piercing painfully between unclenched teeth. 

Eren found himself to be a strange combination of anger and fear, with slight sadness added to the mix for extra flavor. It hurt him. It hurt Eren more than he was willing to admit. He wished he could reset. He wished he could reset everything that lead to the depressing life he currently lived. The time with Levi aside, Eren couldn't remember when he truly felt at ease, a time where his worries and stresses were left behind. Would he ever get a time like that again? Was this what he deserved? Eyes clenched shut, his hands met his head in furious movements, making a mess out of the hair there. But what could he do? What could he offer to resolve or make the situation any better?

Nothing.

And he knew that.

The moment he stepped into his bedroom he began to shed his clothes. Without even looking at the time, he knew he’d have to start getting ready for work. Remembering he had no efficient transportation to work only motivated him further as he’d have to leave the house earlier than usual anyway in order to get to work on time. Already showered and quite frankly too lazy to bother with another shower, Eren grabbed a new uniform from his drawer and put it on. A quick glance in the mirror told him his hair was still very much a mess. Eren’s face was indifferent as he stared back at himself, judging the appearance of his hair. It was fine, this was probably a better look for him. It would possibly even itself out on the way there anyway, he thought.

The stillness in his brain warmed him, he didn’t want to think anymore.

Sliding his wallet and phone in his uniform pockets he made his way to the door, making sure to keep his gaze straight ahead as he walked in stride through the living room. Shoes on, he was out the door once again. 

Taking a different route than he had on his way to the cafe, Eren was finally able to enjoy the city for what it had to offer. While on his bike, he only had the attention span to focus on the road ahead, ultimately getting to his job fairly quickly. But now, being forced to take the scenery in, he found himself enjoying it. He enjoyed the peace of the relaxed city. Tall buildings and extravagant construction aside, Eren took pride in the small city. It wasn't as bustling and active as the capital or larger cities, but he had grown to love the clear air of it very much. With the majestic snow-tipped mountains residing distantly behind the buildings in a breathtaking brochure picture, Eren walked casually through the city streets, cars passing him by sparingly.

A group of parked, parallel cars on the opposite side of the road came into view as Eren overtook a hill. Eyes gravitating towards the sight automatically, one of the cars effectively got Eren’s attention as he squinted at the image of the car. He recognized it from somewhere, but he couldn't quite remember where. A strange feeling in his gut told him how important this specific memory was, but for some reason, he could not remember no matter how hard he scoured his available long-term memory. He found himself staring at the car in intense interest, desperately wanting to know its relevance to his life. He didn’t stop walking however, the car now coming into better view. 

Was that… Levi?

Eren could see the outline of a rather short, black-haired individual in the driver's seat of the car. The idea of meeting the other so soon jarred Eren, but he wasn’t necessarily upset or uncomfortable at the idea. But the longer he stared, the more he felt that it wasn’t Levi he was seeing. There weren't many dark-haired individuals in Eren’s acquaintance list, so there weren't many people he could compare the sight to. Mikasa was almost equal in height to Eren, so there was no way it was her in the driver’s seat eithe-

All Eren could feel was a harsh, surface pain, traveling from his shoulders and face. Eyes closing instinctively upon impact, a noise of surprise leaving his lips. The contact was intense, as Eren had walked into the other roughly. Eren had been so engrossed in the car that he hadn't realized he wasn’t the only pedestrian on the sidewalk, thus colliding with another person. A bigger, more muscular person at that. Eren immediately looked up at the thought, suddenly wary and feeling unconfrontational. The blond, grown man in question was big in stature and tall in height, having possibly three, or four inches over Eren at the very least. Not exactly intimidated, Eren spoke as a man of politeness and formalities. 

“Sorry, didn’t see you there…” Finally looking up at the stranger, Eren made eye contact with him. His features were definitely defined and distinct to his face as Eren had never quite seen anyone like the man before him in his life. He wore a cold countenance, face dripping with aloofness and apathy. He strangely reminded him of Levi in that regard. 

Despite Eren’s rather kind tone as he had spoken, the man refused to respond, instead taking more interest in staring back at Eren. Their contact was growing more and more uncomfortable as the seconds dragged on. What was this guy thinking? A part of Eren assumed that he was possibly a drunk or addict. Eren couldn't help the frown that began to form on his face, the man before him carried a strange demeanor which effectively turned Eren off if that was the intention. The realization that he had no more time to waste on a random man he accidentally bumped into on the side of the street, Eren broke the contact first, and made his way around the man and continued on his way.

He found himself looking to the opposite side of the road once again, possibly in hopes to find the car and confirm if it was truly Levi he saw, but he couldn't find the car. He scanned through the lined, parked cars over and over hoping one of them would strike his memory. Sadly yet unsurprisingly, his memory failed him yet again, as he found he couldn't identify the vehicle in question. Annoyed already with how his day had led up to that point, Eren dismissed the thought, not wanting to entertain his woes any further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can yall guess where Eren, Armin, Mikasa, and Levi live? ;)


End file.
